Like living in a Monty Python sketch that isn’t remotely funny, the UK has unleashed forces of chaos beyond anything it imagined would happen. If only the big foot would appear and stamp us back to sense. The United in United Kingdom was always slightly wishful, like calling an aggressive dog Serena. But it worked, […]
A disaster a day keeps the newsman in play. Can we reclaim our peace of mind by saying no to terror, by saying no to feeling terrorised? Will our world allow it? I was in Paris once, in a restaurant, when a bomb went off downstairs. It detonated in the ladies’ loo, from where my […]
Google knows what you like. Google knows what you need. Vote Google. Basically there won’t be any news out of Britain for the next three months, except endless guff and drilldowns about whether it should leave the European Union. The country decides once and for all on June 23 in a referendum. Until then, prepare […]
Superheroes are walking planet Earth, and not just little people. Dressing up expands identity, say fans, and it’s a budding movement, all ages welcome. But can a new elastic me match the hype? To the bat-cave! I know plenty of kids, as I’m sure you do too, who like nothing more of a morning than […]
Like King Canute sat on his chair on the surf, Europe’s politicos are helpless before the ever-rising influx of refugees washing up on beaches, hiding in car engines, doing anything and everything to get here. All year, Europe has been agonising about what to do with the migrants flooding over, nay, desperately crawling in by […]
It took fifteen police officers to catch Wesley the wallaby last week, the latest Antipodean visitor to go walkabout without anybody realising. They had to use a tranquiliser dart to down the little fella. “We detained the wallaby without the use of handcuffs,” said proud Inspector Richard Mallinson of the Yorkshire Police. Wallabies are creatures […]
Bad hair, face in all the papers, everybody wants something. Your partners are only after one thing and you still have to obey the law. The nation that invented fairness and cricket (and irony) is having a tough time accommodating the world’s grumpiest billionaires and keeping them in line. A penthouse unit in Knightsbridge, central […]
Best Friends, Siblings, Rivals, Lovers. But United Kingdom, Is It Time To Break Up? It’s Your Move, Scotland. Celebs have been penning love letters. Politicos scathing with diatribes. Stereotypes are flicking up their sporrans to show us what’s under the kilt. Will Scotland stay or will it go? Does it make a difference? Any moment, […]
Everybody needs good neighbours, and the French are the best, but do we deserve them? Letter from London peers over the fence. Forget thugs and sharks, one of the scariest places you could ever find yourself is on the top deck of a London bus surrounded by drunk teenage girls. They sing, they rage, they drink, they […]
Heavy weather. UK water levels are the highest ever recorded, with more rain forecast Will global warming mean London’s new airport becomes home to white collar criminals in skirts? I’d like to say it’s stopped raining but it hasn’t. From the very first day the national hosepipe ban was announced last spring – reservoirs nearing […]
The summer sun is bringing Londoners out to play like never before. The Olympics are so last year. The island’s gone sports mad and no denying. Every other person is out running up and down or holding something in their hand, trying to hit balls at someone else. Even a few kids have been prised away […]
New official strategies for UK immigration control are remnants of the bullying and intolerance of yesteryear, except they’re going down well with voters of all colours. Chuck ‘em out. Eat them! Chase them back to where they came from. Remember to shake hands on the way out. Like in Australia, the immigration debate here is […]